mo' cooking... mo' cookies

my day so far: biscuits, gingersnap cookies 2.0, poached pears.  same 'snap recipe as last post, except I didn't flatten them before baking this time.  from start to finish, about three hours in the kitchen.

and in that time, I got to feel the feelings: I felt a surge of excitement when I first saw the beautiful cracks in my cookies.  I perseverated over the fact that I should've frozen my butter last night in order not to overwork my dough.  I lifted the parchment paper atop my poaching pears like seventeen times, resisting the urge to poke my pears.  I felt like a child, eager and excited.

... if you'd told me three years ago i'd have fallen madly in love with cooking/baking, I would've looked at you like you were crazy.  why should I spent hours of my life doing something that someone else is already doing? I might've even rolled my eyes.  

speaking of crazy: yesterday, my husband looked at me like I was.  he walked over as I was sitting at the kitchen table.  my left hand was being used to prop open 1q84, my right hand held my phone as I scrolled through seriouseats.com.  are you reading recipes while you read a book??

maybe...

I am so grateful and fortunate to a) live a life where I possess the space to care about food the way I do and b) have time to pursue this passion.  I count my blessings ever day i'm elbow deep in oil and flour.  

i'm still figuring out this passion.  i'm still learning to articulate why it feels so important to remake a recipe days later, just to taste the difference between flattened vs. unflattened cookies.  I don't know why spending three hours creating then cleaning messes brings me so much joy.  I don't understand where this obsession came from, nor do I know where it will take me.

but i don't need to know.  in this day and age, where it's easy to feel the need to justify our every step, maybe i can just let this be what it is.  a desire to cook, a desire to bake.  a compulsion to try out new recipes and force feed them to everyone while eagerly awaiting feedback. 

maybe this love can be just that: my unrequited love of food, of physically connecting into that which nourishes.  

so for now, I will simply share my excitement about unflattened gingersnaps.  the crumbly chewy biscuit reminds me of shortbread, with the crispy edges providing an unexpected contrast of sorts.  the poached pears cool in their sweet syrupy base, and the fluffy and misshapen biscuits are long gone.

to the spectrum of flavors, textures, and ingredients that make up the substance of our lives.  grateful for the freedom to explore the world this way.

Hannah Smith